Roller coaster

So, just two days before going to Ghana we learned that they questioned the authenticity of our Power of Attorneys (they thought they were copies because the notary seal is not raised,) so they again decided not to go to court. We do not know why they do not look through the entire file to find out if our files are complete, or if they have any questions. It seems like each week there is something new. They were finally convinced that they indeed have the originals, but it doesn't matter. Court has been adjourned until August 11th, the day after we leave Ghana for the US. Sigh... We are still going to attempt to file the I-600 since they've received clearance from US, and we are just waiting on the decree from Ghana courts. 8-9 weeks delayed now. Another challenge was that Social Welfare decided to object on other files in court, after assuring our agency there were no problems. This objection is simply a means to get more grease for the wheels of process there.

I want to share more about this, but I'm also headed out for my beloved Yoga for Moms class, and then on to meet with dear old friends to enjoy some good music. I want to say that I understand that we are SO freakin' lucky here in the US, that there are checks and balances and legal procedures that generally prevent extortion and pay-offs from happening.. generally. I get that with centuries of exploitation from oustiders, countries and cultures adopt a way of being that allows them to get ahead. That said, I'm also angered by the fact that this unchecked process really is preventing families from uniting sooner. That is the ultimate goal, no?

GREAT weekend

Headed out at 3:30 a.m. on Saturday August 1st. Meeting a woman at the airport who has my tickets. Extra bag full of kids clothes from the Yoga Mommas is nearly full. Scanning, copying printing all vital documents. No phone. No computer. One small camera.

I had a wonderful, wonderful weekend. So much fun, danced and laughed my ass off. We are having a great time this summer, in spite of the crazy roller coaster ride, and perhaps because of our intentions below being kept in focus. Try it, we are not vitally stressed, we're awesome. Life is so much better this way. Do not project your terror onto our journey, it will only bounce. Let it fall to the earth in a pulpy mess and open your eyes.

Be humble
Be open
Let go
Make lemonade
be fearless
believe you can
be kind and free of judgment
choose love
be grateful
HAVE FUN
eat ice cream
and shake it. Seriously, shake it.

Lutefisk

Ghana continues to be crazy, HUGE things changing dramatically in one day. Two days ago I got news that made me want to shut my doors, curl up and take a nap for a very long time. I did not feel certain our daughter was coming home. Today is much more hopeful, as best it can be in the midst of continual change.

Before going into the crazies, I want to celebrate what a beautiful day it is today. Currently 75 and climbing, Jaden is off playing with a friend down at the low tides at Discovery park. I had a lovely cup of coffee and pastry at my most favorite cafe on the planet by myself. I only did about 20 minutes of work today. I just took a long shower that did not get interrupted for the first time in... ? I have a sitter scheduled to arrive at 6 tonight and at 6:01 I am headed out the door to meet Chris in downtown Ballard to celebrate us, and dive into the beginnings of Seafood Fest. My dear friend found the love of his life and is so moved that he's giving marriage a second shot. Jaden felt enough courage to get back on his bike this week after a 6 week hiatus post-accident and now we can't get him off of it. Awesome, awesome, he is an inspiration to me. I recently purchased a new kayak (beautiful bubblegum pink!) that I can carry and supports my body much better than my old one. I freakin' love it and have been out every weekend since getting it. This will continue... It is a good day and I do not forget that in this quest to bring our second child home. It is not all doom and gloom, I've been good about celebrating what is special and wonderful right now. (Again, thank you yoga.)

I go to Ghana in one week. What will happen there? Who knows. It is crazy, crazy. The things I know we have to/want to do in 5 short days are as follows:

1. Find a home for 27 kids who previously were in an orphanage.
2. Give said kids a pile of clothes from my beloved Yoga Mommas.
   
3. Get a foster license for the new home, and for the home where my child resides.
4. Make sure that she is going to stay put where she is now, we do not want another move for our child before she comes home. She is resilient and joyful, but we do not want to push our luck!
   
5. Get our adoption decree once and for all (8 weeks delayed now.)
6. Attempt to file the I-600 in country with or without the in-country adoption decree.
   
7. Meet, hug, love and spend time with our new child.
   
8. Make sure whatever was in her ear has been removed. (She decided that was a good place to store something...)

Can we do it? You bet your ass we can. (Have you met me???) The super news we got today was that a family who was just one step further in the process than we are just got notice from the consolate that they can bring their daughter home. It is exciting - we needed this actual event as evidence to back up the continual claims that there would be nothing to stop the process. With everything that has happened as of late, we were beginning to question.

I haven't covered everything that has happened in the blog. I am concerned about doing so as the dark side has reared its ugly head and has not been completely vanquished. Seriously, that is all I can comfortably share at this point. The light will triumph, I sense good in the force. Christi was brought to the family through this light and I can only rest in faith and let the fear go.

In the great words of Yoda (remember, we're a Star Wars family now:)

Fear is the path to the dark side.
Fear leads to anger.
Anger leads to hate.
Hate leads to suffering.

I will not be afraid, I will not be afraid... I will instead eat Salmon on a stick and watch a Lutefisk eating contest.

New pics

Christiana is in pink on the left, she's really grown a lot in the last few months! Her nutritional health continues to improve... Not much news today, still waiting to hear if we went to court or not, and the last chance to effect expedition of this process I think would be Thursday. If they do their part, I can file the I-600 in person while I'm there, which would shave that extra month off the process. If they don't and they continue to operate on Ghana time (vs. our very anal and scheduled American time - the nerve!) then it will only be a personal visit.

Letting go of any expectations, except that I WILL get to see, hug, smell, cuddle, and LOVE on my daughter which should be fantastic. For those who keep asking me "will you be able to leave without her?" I don't really have a choice, do I? It's surprising to me all the gifts this process has brought into my life. Living in the being humble and patient, REALLY living it, have both been experiences I feel forever changed by. I will leave with new pieces of her in my heart which is the only thing I can hope for.

Jaden was musing over his future yesterday and suggested that maybe he and Christiana would grow up and be parents together. I tried to explain that brothers and sisters don't get married, but that they could both have children separately and take care of them together if they liked, that their kids would be cousins. He asked why... you try and answer that one for a 5 year old! I pretty much confused the hell out of him, bringing in discussions of my sisters (who are not biologically related,) biology, heterosexulality, and marriage. I left it at "let's ask your Dad when he gets home, maybe he can explain it better."

When Chris arrived home, I asked him to explain why brothers and sisters don't get married. His reply: "It's bad Joo-Joo, we just don't do that in our culture." Jaden seemed to accept that without further questioning. Lesson re-learned: KISS, keep it simple stupid.

I leave in 15 days!

Getting squeaky clean!

I have reservations to fly to Accra! I leave Saturday, August 1st and return on Sunday August 9th. Many blessings to our coordinator who not only organized the trip, but also sacrificed a seat in first class to be with me, (!) I'm not sure I'm that gracious. This is not a retrieval mission, but one to begin getting to know our daughter. I'm hoping that the next time we show up to bring her home she won't wonder who the heck we are!

We are now on 7 weeks of delays into court over in Ghana. This week, again, Social Welfare decided not to go to court because even though our file was ready to go, they wanted to bring two in front of the judge so they just didn't go. When they go to court, we find out if we are granted permanant adoption status, or if we are given a 2-year interim adoption - totally random choice apparently! We also really, really want them to go this week or early next week because if they do, then I can file my I-600 form in person when I'm there, shaving about a month off the process! If not, then we continue to wait. So, just hoping for the best without any expectations. Right now, the only expectation we have is that she'll be home at some point.

This is a picture of Christi's nanny, Rhoda. Beautiful soul who we are thankful for every day. (Christi is in white.) Today I bought a Winnie the Pooh toothbrush, Flinstone vitamins with iron, and hand sanitizer for the trip. Good enough? I'm working on a clothing drive so I can manage to take as much stuff as possible with me on the second longest flight I've ever taken. Waiting on the coordinator to let me know if I should do it... I'm very excited... we're staying in modest accommodations close to the home/orphanage where the kids used to live, and we think all the children are very close by.

I'M GOING TO GHANA!

I just found out today that I'm going to Ghana!!! I'd suspected I would go before we went to pick Christiana up, and I'd mentioned to my coordinator that I was considering it. I spoke with her today and she's picked a date to go, August 2nd and I get to tag along. (Little does she know I see her as my babysitter.) I'm sending in my entry visa tomorrow so it should be here in plenty of time. Very exciting.

For our trip, our coordinator is going to track down all the kids in their now various homes and I'll get to visit and have Christi in our hotel with us. We're going modest the first half but the last couple of days we'll stay in a hotel with a pool which I'm sure in equatorial Ghana will be a welcome way to wrap up the trip. Since we are allowed 2 check in bags each with our flight, we're going to cram in as much clothing and paperback books for all the kids that we possibly can. I am so full of love for all these kids, and of course for my own little girl, I can't wait to get there.

I spoke with our daughter this morning!! She is very difficult to understand, still thick with toddler babble, but she mimics beautifully. Her foster mother (for lack of a better descriptor) was explaining to me that she is still learning and a "little behind in her words," but shortly after they both sang a song that went "I love Mommy" over and over and boy did I hear that loud and clear! While she didn't say much on her own, she apparently smiled a lot and I heard her laugh lot when I told her about her big brother, and new bunk bed with pink sheets.

What I am touched by today is how I feel "on the other side" of this process, even without Christi home. I am not afraid and recognize that I am SO not in charge, Christi is who she is and will come as she is. We are not just prepared to handle all the comes our way, but excited and embracing of all that she is and all that she'll bring. One of my wonderful yoga teachers once said "we've got to stop looking at life as such a problem." I feel like in my own life in the past I've worked so hard to minimize conflict, prevent bad things from happening - I suppose a very natural expression of being human. That said, the challenges in life are where learning opportunities arise, where richness comes from, right? I've talked about Santosha before, which is cultivation of gratitude in life, for ALL things. We are so blessed to be able to experience life in its fullest, each new moment a great opportunity to party, and the suffering or woe just part of this package. Give hugs, share love, act like an ass, get drunk, be embarrassed and just revel in it all. We are so freakin' lucky... we are so ready for this amazing, resilient little girl to bring it on.

One other thing I'm also struck by today is how much I love both of my kids, one who has been with us for 5 years and one who has never been home. The sensation is indistinguishable, even though their journey to us totally unique. I somehow was able to illustrate this point to my 5 year old but now come up short when trying to lay it down here. I'll try to share...

Jaden has been watching the Star Wars series. (For those of you who know me well might think "wuh?!" But he totally loves it and we've muted the scary parts or made him look away when the Tuscan Raider jumped out in the very first (fourth) movie. Whatever, if you're judging your missing the point... Anyway, Jaden asked me this morning "How did Luke know that his dad was good and that he would return to being good after being so bad?"
My reply was "he just knew, he sort of felt it, like the force, he had a sense."
He rephrased the question in another way and I replied "well, how do you know I love you?"
and he said "because you tell me."
And I said well what if I couldn't tell you, would you still know I loved you?"
"Yes, because you told me before" he replied.
I asked him, "do you love Christiana?"
He smiled and nodded.
"Why?"
"Because I just do."
"How do you know?"
He laughed and replied again "because I just know."
And I said "that's like 'the force', you just know even without words."
He seemed to enjoy that explanation and accept my logic. Needless to say "the force" and the "the dark side" have been thoroughly discussed in our house as of late. Being the yoga nerd I am, I'm discovering the parallels of the force and dark side in my philosophical studies. Funny how Star Wars has brought much more sense to topics of an esoteric nature for both me and my five year old.

Tears of Gratitude

At this moment, I well up in quiet tears of gratitude. I'm so grateful for this process, for the young woman and her father who are taking care of my daughter, and for our daughter. I work every moment on compartmentalizing in a hard core way - an intense thread of love connected through a certain level of detachment so I don't go insane. It works a lot of the time, but it's impossible to describe, an intense exercise in letting go and having faith. There is so little we can control..

I am strongly considering going over there this summer. I want to wait to hear if we go to court THIS WEEK before making any decisions though. After court is behind us, we will know. We will get confirmation that she is indeed coming home.

Here is the email from the young woman in her charge, she is wonderful and you can get an idea of our communications and why it can sometimes be a challenge to figure out what is happening. Again, I'm so grateful to her and have so much love for her...

~~~~~~~
Hi mum,
you are most welcome, in everything we have to give our sincere thanks to the Lord almighty because through him every impossibilities becomes possible, am really happy for Jaden Christie's brother please say a big congratulations to him for me tell him to be a good boy and learn very hard for me and her sister but we cherished her so much.
Am really grateful to the Lord almighty for all the assurance you have and the encouragement you have you really have a calm spirit God is always happy with those with such heart and spirit and he will never forget about you and all your request. You are most welcome your daughter will be well taken care of that is a promise from my dad and me to you. Mum with the calling i don't really know about you using the computer to call a cell works i thought its only from a cell phone to a cell phone,and a computer to a computer but i guess it works in some way so you can try it, yes the number I have given you is my cell number so we can use that to talk on the time said which is on the 14th at 4:30 Tuesday its a deal mummy.
Christie is very adjusting mum she can adjust to all situations, very friendly, open to all,forceful in learning and a very fast learner,she is very good in listening and she hinds to advice when you tell her to put a stop to something, Mum you are really blesssed that girl is full of joy and a very patience she is adorable and am hoping you come soon to come and meet all this attributes of her you will never regret you really made a good choice.
She likes to play with dolls and toys, she is really a good singer always when she is alone she sings herself mum you really have a good girl and i bet you she will really make you and your family happy, she is really a good dancer too. What you should do when she will becoming home,you surprise her with dolls,ice creams and music and i tell you it will be full of fun. We will really be grateful to have you here in Ghana, don't worry at all God will see you through all visa and necessary document will be received okay before you will come. We just cant wait to see you mum our heart are rejoicing.
Mum i love you too so much and thanks so much for what you are trying to do for the children okay, may the good lord bless you. Love you and we are talking tomorrow 14th at 4:30pm.

Pure Insanity

I finally spoke on the phone to our Adoption Coordinator today. I so appreciate her brutal honesty as I never feel like I don't know what is going on. I think the truth would be somewhat difficult to handle for many, but as many of you know, I appreciate brutal honesty.

I learned that all orphanages across the country of Ghana are shutting down or have been shut down. Originally, this was because many orphanages were sub-standard and were not providing adequate shelter and food for their children. Some were not using government funds to care for the children. In an earlier post I mentioned that our orphanage is (was) an NGO, supported by a Canadian Ministry and checked out very positively during the investigations. They were originally told they could stay open. During this country wide investigation though, "someone" in charge (a new minister? who knows...) started doing some research on the adoption programs working with a handful of orphanages. They discovered that agencies charge a "foreign adoption fee" that varies from agency to agency. Our organization has a relatively low cost, whereas some other agencies were charging more than three times as much! As the popularity of Ghanaian adoptions increased, so did the many agenices working to coordinate them, and more "foreign adoption fees" were going outside the country and well, those in charge didn't appreciate it. For a country that has 45% population living in poverty, they want a piece of the pie. Our coodinator said that sadly, it all comes down to money.

So now, our daughter is now living with someone who used to work at the orphanage with 4 other children - yet again another home for her to handle. The good news is that the man's daughter also used to work there and LOVES these kids. She helped us to have our first conversation with her on the internet, has great faith, and really believes in the adoption process. She also sent me an email today to assure me that our daughter is being cared for. We're now trying to get them to accept a food program that will deliver food directly to them - our daughter has some nutritional challenges and we want to begin addressing them yesterday.

Today we were told that the adoption is NOT tenuous, so we're holding onto that and staying calm. We both really are surprisingly calm about it all, and having a sense of humor. There really is absolutely nothing we can do! I'm struck by the irony of our choosing this route for the relative "ease" and stability in the program (one of many reasons,) but now the system is falling apart. We are told though that all children with matches are going home so we're just biding our time.

It's looking like a stronger possibility that I will be headed over there this summer, on a journey of support and meet rather than to bring her home. I can't imagine walking away without our daughter in hand though... we'll see if I'm up to it!

Thanks for reading, listening, caring, praying, and laughing along with us at the total absurdity of this process. We are hanging in there!

Ghana's busy with Obama

We got word today from our coordinator that we did NOT make it to court this week. When we go to court there are 3 main people that have to show up: our coordinator over in Ghana, our attorney, and someone from social welfare. Now it's social welfare that couldn't show up so we are into next week. Hope for Tuesday or Thursday then.

My coordinator (we will call her Jane) does not know what is going on. From her: "We have NEVER taken so long to get to court!! I don't even know what to say anymore. I can make a lot of assumptions but that won't change things. I"m so sorry."

No news on the situation of our orphanage and its dissolution. Very curious to know what is happening. There is a little girl "Ashley" and her little brother who have not been placed into adoption yet. The unplaced kids are the ones who at the most risk, and they may be separated as they figure out foster care. Keep them in your prayers, we have faith our daughter will be fine.

Today I make iced tea with lemons to diverge from lemonade. We have a video with our daughter in it, and there is a flash of her on this link. She is the little girl in the blue and white dress paying no attention and bothering the boy in yellow who is trying to learn the alphabet. Not a great look at her face, but a nice reminder of her age and size. She should fit in nicely with this family. I keep remembering what 2 1/2 to 3 is like - really looking forward to the plane ride home! http://handsofmercy.shutterfly.com/514

We are also debating about name change to honor her transition into our family and her new life. We've found a name we really like (we're not sure she really had her current name before arriving at the orphanage.) We will share her name when we've figured it out.. we didn't name our first child until he was in the room with us so maybe that will have to happen this time as well.

I just want to again share how much I appreciate yoga and my yoga community. Without yoga in my life I am sure I'd be huddled in a corner somewhere, rocking back and fourth with worry. I am solid, and continue to breath in release and faith in this process. However she gets here and whatever she brings with her, we will be with her and be grateful for the ride. Santosha.

Ghanaean orphanages today

Summary: For those of you just tuning in, here is a summary of where we are to date:

Last week I took Jaden on a much needed vacation east of the Cascades to the Methow valley. That place is awesome. On June 6th I taught my last Saturday Yoga class in anticipation of the arrival of our daughter in mid-July to August. From beginning the paperwork in March we were told to expect a June to August arrival. I shortened my summer teaching schedule, we decided as a family to forgo a trip to Michigan for family camp, and shut down travel plans for the latter half of summer to be present for our new family member.

Two weeks ago we learned that her arrival is looking more like October or November (what happened to September?!) Sigh... make lemonade. Last week was the first successful attempt to regroup and have a blast, in spite of the difficulty of having our daughter so far away and an expectation of a summer of bonding. (We Seattlelites love summer, we live for it and suffer through a large part of the year for its arrival.) We also learned of some health challenges that she is facing, and worked on the mantra "let go". We will cross that bridge when she gets here: She is our family, we love her.

In sparing me during our vacation our adoption coordinator did not send us an update on the series of fiascos facing the orphanages in Ghana RIGHT NOW. Today, she made up for the break by sending me three updates explaining the chaos and disintegration of the orphanages in Ghana, including the one where our daughter is housed. It's hard to get clear information on why the government is shutting them down, but the general gist is that there has been financial corruption in some orphanages around the country receiving governmental funds. While the orphanage our daughter is located in checked out wonderfully and got a favorable investigation report, (and is an NGO independently run,) the landlord of the building is evicting the tenants rather than renewing their lease. The kids now have nowhere to go. While the government says they need to be moved to foster care, Ghana does not have a formal foster care system in place and are sort of making it up as they go, or so it's reported.

There is a man over there who has been working at our orphanage for years and he is trying to rent a home where he can keep the kids together. This change is really affecting the older children who do not have placements and whose only family has been the other children in the home. We have been assured that the kids who are on the adoption track are not going to be forced into the make-shift foster care they're trying to put together. That said, we are devastated for all the children whose names and faces we've gotten to know.

Sounds confusing? Indeed. Our coordinator waits on information from the NGO director, the orphanage director, the lawyer (who in theory will be in court for OUR FAMILY tomorrow or Thursday,) and the information changes by the minute. If you have questions I encourage you to follow our mantra too:

Be humble
Be open
Let go
Be Fearless
Believe you (WE) can
Be kind
Love
Make lemonade

We don't have the answers, we don't know what will happen but we have been assured that we will be traveling to get our daughter home at some time. I will send another update when I know anything. She is still en route to her forever family. When we started this process we were assured the stability of the Ghanaian adoption process, its ease, the short time frame. No one could foresee the derailment of the orphanage system.

I may be traveling over there on a relief mission of sorts this summer anyway, helping our beloved coordinator to sort out the myriad of mixed information coming her way, to love on all the kids, and to assure our daughter that she indeed will be coming home. I will post again when I know more...

Please keep all the kids in your hearts and be tremendously grateful for this unbelievably easy life we have.

Journey to our Daughter

I've created this blog to keep everyone updated on the progress toward our adoption of a little girl, currently living in Accra, Ghana. It has been a tremendous journey already, very much a process guided beyond my efforts, and our ride seems to take new turns every day. Here are a few things I've rediscovered along the way, "mantras" for lack of a better word, to keep the peace both inside and out.

Be humble
Be open
Let go
Be fearless
Believe you can
Be kind
Love
Make lemonade

The list continues to grow...