I'M GOING TO GHANA!

I just found out today that I'm going to Ghana!!! I'd suspected I would go before we went to pick Christiana up, and I'd mentioned to my coordinator that I was considering it. I spoke with her today and she's picked a date to go, August 2nd and I get to tag along. (Little does she know I see her as my babysitter.) I'm sending in my entry visa tomorrow so it should be here in plenty of time. Very exciting.

For our trip, our coordinator is going to track down all the kids in their now various homes and I'll get to visit and have Christi in our hotel with us. We're going modest the first half but the last couple of days we'll stay in a hotel with a pool which I'm sure in equatorial Ghana will be a welcome way to wrap up the trip. Since we are allowed 2 check in bags each with our flight, we're going to cram in as much clothing and paperback books for all the kids that we possibly can. I am so full of love for all these kids, and of course for my own little girl, I can't wait to get there.

I spoke with our daughter this morning!! She is very difficult to understand, still thick with toddler babble, but she mimics beautifully. Her foster mother (for lack of a better descriptor) was explaining to me that she is still learning and a "little behind in her words," but shortly after they both sang a song that went "I love Mommy" over and over and boy did I hear that loud and clear! While she didn't say much on her own, she apparently smiled a lot and I heard her laugh lot when I told her about her big brother, and new bunk bed with pink sheets.

What I am touched by today is how I feel "on the other side" of this process, even without Christi home. I am not afraid and recognize that I am SO not in charge, Christi is who she is and will come as she is. We are not just prepared to handle all the comes our way, but excited and embracing of all that she is and all that she'll bring. One of my wonderful yoga teachers once said "we've got to stop looking at life as such a problem." I feel like in my own life in the past I've worked so hard to minimize conflict, prevent bad things from happening - I suppose a very natural expression of being human. That said, the challenges in life are where learning opportunities arise, where richness comes from, right? I've talked about Santosha before, which is cultivation of gratitude in life, for ALL things. We are so blessed to be able to experience life in its fullest, each new moment a great opportunity to party, and the suffering or woe just part of this package. Give hugs, share love, act like an ass, get drunk, be embarrassed and just revel in it all. We are so freakin' lucky... we are so ready for this amazing, resilient little girl to bring it on.

One other thing I'm also struck by today is how much I love both of my kids, one who has been with us for 5 years and one who has never been home. The sensation is indistinguishable, even though their journey to us totally unique. I somehow was able to illustrate this point to my 5 year old but now come up short when trying to lay it down here. I'll try to share...

Jaden has been watching the Star Wars series. (For those of you who know me well might think "wuh?!" But he totally loves it and we've muted the scary parts or made him look away when the Tuscan Raider jumped out in the very first (fourth) movie. Whatever, if you're judging your missing the point... Anyway, Jaden asked me this morning "How did Luke know that his dad was good and that he would return to being good after being so bad?"
My reply was "he just knew, he sort of felt it, like the force, he had a sense."
He rephrased the question in another way and I replied "well, how do you know I love you?"
and he said "because you tell me."
And I said well what if I couldn't tell you, would you still know I loved you?"
"Yes, because you told me before" he replied.
I asked him, "do you love Christiana?"
He smiled and nodded.
"Why?"
"Because I just do."
"How do you know?"
He laughed and replied again "because I just know."
And I said "that's like 'the force', you just know even without words."
He seemed to enjoy that explanation and accept my logic. Needless to say "the force" and the "the dark side" have been thoroughly discussed in our house as of late. Being the yoga nerd I am, I'm discovering the parallels of the force and dark side in my philosophical studies. Funny how Star Wars has brought much more sense to topics of an esoteric nature for both me and my five year old.